20 Bizarre Patents That Somehow Got Approved
The patent office has seen millions of applications over the years, from revolutionary technologies to truly head-scratching inventions. While patents exist to protect genuine innovation, sometimes the line between genius and absurdity gets remarkably blurry.
Here is a list of bizarre patents that somehow made it through the approval process, proving that with enough determination (and filing fees), almost any idea can receive official recognition.
Pet Petter
Believe it or not, someone patented an automated device designed to pet your animals when you’re too busy to do it yourself. The contraption features a mechanical arm that strokes your furry friend at programmable intervals.
The inventor clearly understood the guilt pet owners feel when leaving their companions alone all day. Your cat probably still prefers your actual hand, though.
Anti-Eating Face Mask
In 1982, a patent was granted for a mask specifically designed to prevent the wearer from eating. This contraption completely covers the mouth with a locking mechanism that can only be opened with a key.
The inventor marketed it as a weight-loss device, apparently overlooking the fact that drinking through a straw would still be possible. Talk about commitment to a diet plan.
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Motorized Ice Cream Cone
Someone felt that licking ice cream required too much effort, so they patented a motorized ice cream cone that rotates the frozen treat for you. The battery-powered device slowly spins your dessert so all you have to do is hold it near your mouth.
It solves a problem nobody knew existed and ensures you’ll never have to turn your wrist again while enjoying a scoop.
Helmet Mounted Mouse
A patent exists for a computer mouse that attaches to a helmet, allowing users to control their cursor by moving their head. The inventor claimed it would revolutionize computing for those with limited hand mobility.
While the intention seems noble, imagine trying to click on a small icon by precisely nodding at your screen – you’d end up with a serious neck ache.
Flame-Throwing Guitar
Yes, someone actually patented a musical instrument that shoots flames while you play. This modification to a standard guitar includes a fuel reservoir and ignition system that produces fire in rhythm with your music.
Perfect for rock concerts, assuming the venue has excellent insurance and doesn’t mind the occasional singed eyebrow on the front row.
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Bird Diaper
For those who let their feathered friends fly freely around the house, a patent exists for bird diapers. These tiny garments strap onto your avian companion and collect droppings before they land on your furniture.
The inventor likely made a fortune from relieved parrot owners everywhere. The patent even includes different designs based on bird anatomy and size.
Portable Highway
Someone patented a system of interlocking panels that can be assembled to create a temporary road surface. The inventor envisioned it being used in emergencies or remote areas.
While the concept seems practical, the logistics of carrying enough panels to build any meaningful length of road makes this invention somewhat impractical for the average person – unless you happen to own several large trucks.
Underwater Breathing Apparatus for Snakes
This might be the most niche patent ever approved – a specialized device designed to help snakes breathe underwater. The contraption features a mask that fits over a snake’s head and connects to an air supply.
The inventor claimed it would help transport reptiles across bodies of water. One has to wonder how many snake owners were clamoring for this solution.
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Gerbil Shirt
Someone patented a shirt with transparent tubes sewn throughout that allows small pets to crawl around your body. Marketed as a way to bond with your rodent companion, this fashion statement lets your gerbil or hamster explore while staying safely contained.
Imagine walking down the street with tiny creatures visibly navigating around your torso – you’d certainly make an impression.
Hiccup-Stopping Device
A patent exists for a cup that delivers an electric shock to the drinker when they take a sip. The inventor claimed this sudden jolt would interrupt the hiccup reflex and provide relief.
Considering most hiccup attacks eventually stop on their own, volunteering to be electrocuted seems like an extreme solution. Nevertheless, the patent office deemed this shocking idea worthy of protection.
Back Scratcher T-Shirt
Someone patented a t-shirt with a grid of raised bumps on the inside specifically designed to scratch your back when you move against a wall. The inventor claimed it would eliminate the need for those long-handled back scratchers.
While clever, imagine explaining to your colleagues why you keep leaning against the office wall and wiggling around during meetings.
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Flying Saucer Toy for Cats
A patent was granted for a disc-shaped toy that hovers above the ground using fans, specifically designed for cats to chase. The inventor claimed it would provide exercise and entertainment for indoor felines.
The design includes safety features to prevent paw injuries, but one has to wonder if cats would prefer this high-tech gadget to the classic cardboard box.
Ear-Mounted Pencil Holder
Someone patented a device that attaches to your ear and holds a pencil, allowing for hands-free access to writing implements. The inventor suggested it would be useful for busy professionals who frequently need to jot notes.
Unfortunately, turning your head too quickly might result in accidentally drawing on nearby walls or colleagues.
Toilet Night Light
A patent exists for a motion-activated light that illuminates the inside of your toilet bowl. The inventor marketed it as a solution for nighttime bathroom visits, eliminating the need to turn on bright overhead lights.
While practical for midnight trips, guests might be startled by your glowing commode if they aren’t forewarned about your illuminated bathroom fixture.
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Thumb Protector for Book Reading
Someone patented a small rubber thimble designed to protect your thumb while turning pages. The inventor claimed it would prevent paper cuts and keep oils from your skin off the paper.
The patent application seriously suggested this was a problem affecting millions of readers worldwide, apparently unaware that most people manage to read books without injuring themselves.
Anti-Rain Umbrella Spray
A patent was granted for a spray that claims to repel raindrops, creating an invisible umbrella around the user. The inventor suggested it would revolutionize how we deal with inclement weather.
While the concept sounds magical, imagine the reality: regularly coating yourself in chemicals just to avoid carrying a folding umbrella. Some solutions create more problems than they solve.
Treadmill for Dogs
Someone patented an exercise machine specifically designed for canines. This dog treadmill includes special safety features and motivation systems to keep your pet moving.
The inventor claimed it would help urban dog owners ensure their pets get enough exercise. The patent fails to address the fact that most dogs would probably prefer an actual walk in the park over running in place.
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Banana Protective Case
A patent exists for a hard plastic case shaped exactly like a banana, designed to prevent your fruit from getting bruised in transit. The inventor was clearly tired of finding brown, mushy bananas at the bottom of their lunch bag.
What makes this patent particularly absurd is that bananas already come in nature’s perfect protective packaging – their peels.
Mousetrap With Time Delay
Someone patented a humane mousetrap with a timer that gives the mouse a chance to escape before the trap activates. The inventor claimed it was for people who wanted to scare mice away rather than catch them.
This raises the question: why not just skip the trap entirely if you don’t want to catch the mouse? Sometimes the simplest solution isn’t the one that earns a patent.
Centrifugal Force Birth Assistance Device
Perhaps the most outlandish patent ever approved was for a machine that would use centrifugal force to assist in childbirth. The device, patented in 1965, proposed strapping an expectant mother to a circular table and spinning her at high speed.
The inventor genuinely believed that the resulting force would help expel the baby more easily. Thankfully, this invention never made it past the patent stage into actual use.
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When Innovation Meets Imagination
The patent system was designed to protect genuine innovation, but these examples show the fascinating intersection of human creativity, problem-solving, and sometimes questionable judgment.
While many of these inventions might seem ridiculous, they remind us that the freedom to pursue unusual ideas occasionally leads to unexpected breakthroughs. After all, many world-changing inventions probably seemed absurd when first proposed – though perhaps not quite as absurd as a spinning birthing table or gerbil fashion accessories.
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